Inside a Mind

The clock struck twelve. “Struck – what an archaic term.” The man sitting in the chair thought. Beside him, a lamp flickered. “How can it flicker if it’s electric?” One part of his mind said. “Hertz – frequency – bulb is turning off and on a hundred, two hundred times a second, don’t know the correct number – ” another part interjected. “Though we don’t say things,” a quiet fragment piped up, “we’re just bunches of neurons firing away. Say? Are the words you hear inside your mind distinguishable from those outside? They all go to the brain -” – connection – “brain in a vat,” another one put in, maybe on of the first parts. The usual image flashed up, of a pink, soft brain suspended in a jar of green water with electrodes running from it – Cut! Another section felt, rather than said out loud in words, and the image switched off.

The man sighed – “Sigh? What for?” The voice of his mother put in, simulated deliberately by yet one more cluster of neurons. “You don’t have anything to worry about.” Righteous Outrage. “I have so many things stressing me out right now” one part began, while another part simultaneously went, “Though that isn’t the reason for the sigh, but since you attributed the sigh to that I’m just going to beat you on your own battlefield!” How – describe – battlefield- accurate? A less eloquent cut-rate think-tank of brain cells went. “Ha – think tank – I like that.” The first part said, almost on the dot. The second part retorted, “You’re only saying that just to feel smart.” Guilt. Resolve. A weird little dwarf chattered away to itself, firing electrical impulses silently into an emotional void.

–

This is what goes on inside my brain. Every day. It’s weird, it’s crazy, but it’s not like that per se – no doubt you’ve been giving the parts all different voices as you read. They all sound like me. And each part knows what the other part is saying before the part says it, and at the same time not.

I don’t think this is how people are supposed to think. And even now it’s just a simplified version. Sure, I don’t think like this all the time, but way too much…it particularly happens when I think about thinking. Other times, I don’t really notice it, but when I decide to, its impossible to avoid. So the question is whether it’s there when I’m not thinking about it, working behind the scenes – or is it just a delusion generated by questioning whether it is a delusion?

Well yeah. Just felt like putting that down. Allons y!